Argument...discussion...these words don't seem to fit the storm that ensued.
Perhaps emotion warfare?
Desperation negotiation?
Whatever the definition, it made me look back on my own words and assess how well I actually stood by my "wisdom".
The answer...not great.
Not to say that I was a flat out hypocrite. I did give it my best effort, attempting to be patient, empathetic, acknowledge positives, words of encouragement, etc.
My error took place, though, when a reaction I had was misinterpreted by the other person. In fact, it was read as being the complete opposite of my intention. The other party took great offense to this, which I could understand. But no matter what I said, my point was refused to be seen. In my mind, there was a deep need to correct this. Largely because of the subject matter. Largely because what was interpreted was against everything that was on my heart. I was being accused of something that wasn't true. Something that stood against all of my words and actions leading up to that point. The dagger, if you will, to an already distressed spirit. My arms flailed as I passionately pleaded my message, that it was authentic through every nerve ending and every ounce of my being. Nothing could change their stance, and I should have walked away.
What I did wrong, #1) Sometimes I need to know when to quit...or at least, give it a breather.
I should have walked away, but I didn't. To me, I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt the person in having them think I didn't support them. But in fact, I was hurting the situation by not letting it sit. Accepting what I knew to be true, even if the other person couldn't see it yet. If I had exited the conversation, I could have a)taken it immediately to prayer and b)continued to show this support through my actions instead of force feeding it. Sometimes we don't truly see what we're doing until our view is outside of the emotional lens. I should have walked away...not in frustration, but despite of it.
What I did wrong, #2) Though I didn't need to be right, but I needed to be heard...no matter what
I think we all have a need to be heard in some capacity. It's part of our relationships, to respect the opinion of others and feel as such in return. Here, I let it escalate past the threshold to a desperate attempt. I felt like I was going crazy and it made me all the more motivated to have this person truly understand where I was coming from. Motivated right over the top of the priority line. The need to have this person understand became more important that salvaging the situation. Who does that put first; me or the other person? That's a big, fat "ME", no matter what my other intentions were. Perhaps I should have been listened better, to "hear" that this wasn't the way to fix this.
I needed to remember...no matter what this person thought, by God, I'm always heard.
What I did wrong, #3) WWJD did not compute
The best answer to any issue...good ol' WWJD. For those of you who did have this on a wristband or a t-shirt growing up, it stands for, "What Would Jesus Do." And though I was trying to convey a message of love, I didn't stop to clearly think, "How would Jesus being trying to say this if he were standing in my shoes right now?" If I had taken a minute to pause and meditate on this, the situation may have taken a better turn. Maybe not. But it wouldn't have been any worse than how it steered.
Why am I sharing this? Because if I'm so bold as to share wisdom on a topic, I should be bold enough to speak on my own failure with it.
And I need to learn from my mistakes.
Which I did...
because the next day was round 2.
A calm road until it reached Mount Kilimanjaro.
This time, I let it end before we reached full blown killer eruption.
It didn't feel good, on either end. But it also didn't destroy the village.
Soon after, a situation came about where I needed to decide if I was going to react with them "because of what happened", or "despite of what had happened."
I chose the latter, because to me, that showed the love I was trying to convey all along.
I don't approach the "publish" button with great eagerness on this one, as this wasn't my finest hour. But none of us our perfect. Maybe you can relate to this, whether the giver or the receiver. I hope this makes someone feel heard or understood, or at least not alone. Because you're not...you're always heard.
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