Because My Life Didn't Go As Planned...But That Doesn't Mean It's Over

As part of a homework assignment, my daughter asked me what I would consider my greatest accomplishment to be.  Being a mom who loves and adores my kids beyond measure, I quickly respond with, "You and Michael, of course!"

But to my dismay, she shut me down flat.
"Anything but that," she says.

This was me, immediately...

I had nothin'.
Nada.
Zero.
Zilch.

My life flashed before my eyes.  There were NSYNC posters and tie dyed scrunchies, crushes turned heartbreak, bad eye shadow paired with bad haircuts.  That awkward stage from birth to 28.  Aside from bringing my beautiful children into this world, though, not many "accomplishments" were coming to mind. I graduated high school, but so did Billy Madison...and he slayed an academic decathlon in the process.  I've been with my company for 9 years, but I attribute that more to a kind and gracious employer more than anything else.

I haven't earned a degree, I don't own our home...there are so many open-ended, unfinished goals that are still struggling to cross the finish line.  

What happened to me?  

Once upon a time, I was an ambitious chick with dreams to boot.  Now I'm clawing my way towards just mundane functioning.     

The disarray of my current condition felt like a slap in the face, and a disappointment to my daughter.  Though she didn't express it and seemed to appreciate her mention in my initial response, I felt ashamed that I couldn't give her a more profound answer.  She deserved more.

But then, a moment of clarity...

Source

Scripture that has been fastened to my heart 
since coming to faith.

A gentle nudge from the Lord...
"Do you not remember? Yours plans are not always 
my plans,  
but I'm promise they're for your good.  
Just stay with me here. " 

I know this to be true, as life has proved this time and time over.
And over. And over.

So I pulled myself off the pity pot, put away my tiny violin, and actually came up with a pretty kickass accomplishment (not to toot my own horn but TOOT TOOT):

It's been 8 years since I've stepped out of treatment for my eating disorders, self-injury, and major depression.  It hasn't been a perfect road, and I face temptations every day.  But considering that I spent 6 inpatient visits and countless hours of therapy pulling myself from its clutches, I'd say that standing free feels pretty darn good. 

These devils obliterated my youth.

Stole memories, moments, and relationships that I'll never gain back.

Threatened my life.

But, by God's grace, it wasn't in vain.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I may not be in my dream career yet, 

have a Pinterest-worthy home,

or see the most amount of dollar signs on my bank statement.

Heck, I may just be lucky

that I make it out the door in the morning

with matching shoes on. 

But I have earned a gift of grace, wisdom, empathy 

 from God that I would never trade.

And luckily, the ability to dream never really dies.

This life isn't over yet!

Goal # 5 for 2017:

Acknowledge the little accomplishments every day that lead to the big dreams