Because Sometimes We're Wrong, Even When We're Trying to Do it Right

Less than 24 hours after my last post, I found myself in a heated situation.
Argument...discussion...these words don't seem to fit the storm that ensued.

Perhaps emotion warfare? 
Desperation negotiation? 

Whatever the definition, it made me look back on my own words and assess how well I actually stood by my "wisdom".  

The answer...not great.

Not to say that I was a flat out hypocrite. I did give it my best effort, attempting to be patient, empathetic, acknowledge positives, words of encouragement, etc. 

My error took place, though, when a reaction I had was misinterpreted by the other person. In fact, it was read as being the complete opposite of my intention. The other party took great offense to this, which I could understand. But no matter what I said, my point was refused to be seen. In my mind, there was a deep need to correct this. Largely because of the subject matter. Largely because what was interpreted was against everything that was on my heart. I was being accused of something that wasn't true. Something that stood against all of my words and actions leading up to that point. The dagger, if you will, to an already distressed spirit. My arms flailed as I passionately pleaded my message, that it was authentic through every nerve ending and every ounce of my being. Nothing could change their stance, and I should have walked away. 

What I did wrong, #1) Sometimes I need to know when to quit...or at least, give it a breather.

I should have walked away, but I didn't. To me, I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt the person in having them think I didn't support them. But in fact, I was hurting the situation by not letting it sit. Accepting what I knew to be true, even if the other person couldn't see it yet. If I had exited the conversation, I could have a)taken it immediately to prayer and b)continued to show this support through my actions instead of force feeding it. Sometimes we don't truly see what we're doing until our view is outside of the emotional lens. I should have walked away...not in frustration, but despite of it.

What I did wrong, #2) Though I didn't need to be right, but I needed to be heard...no matter what

I think we all have a need to be heard in some capacity. It's part of our relationships, to respect the opinion of others and feel as such in return. Here, I let it escalate past the threshold to a desperate attempt. I felt like I was going crazy and it made me all the more motivated to have this person truly understand where I was coming from. Motivated right over the top of the priority line. The need to have this person understand became more important that salvaging the situation. Who does that put first; me or the other person? That's a big, fat "ME", no matter what my other intentions were. Perhaps I should have been listened better, to "hear" that this wasn't the way to fix this.
I needed to remember...no matter what this person thought, by God, I'm always heard. 

What I did wrong, #3) WWJD did not compute

The best answer to any issue...good ol' WWJD. For those of you who did have this on a wristband or a t-shirt growing up, it stands for, "What Would Jesus Do." And though I was trying to convey a message of love, I didn't stop to clearly think, "How would Jesus being trying to say this if he were standing in my shoes right now?" If I had taken a minute to pause and meditate on this, the situation may have taken a better turn. Maybe not. But it wouldn't have been any worse than how it steered.

Why am I sharing this? Because if I'm so bold as to share wisdom on a topic, I should be bold enough to speak on my own failure with it.

And I need to learn from my mistakes.
Which I did...
because the next day was round 2. 

A calm road until it reached Mount Kilimanjaro.
This time, I let it end before we reached full blown killer eruption.
It didn't feel good, on either end. But it also didn't destroy the village.
Soon after, a situation came about where I needed to decide if I was going to react with them "because of what happened", or "despite of what had happened."
I chose the latter, because to me, that showed the love I was trying to convey all along.

I don't approach the "publish" button with great eagerness on this one, as this wasn't my finest hour. But none of us our perfect. Maybe you can relate to this, whether the giver or the receiver. I hope this makes someone feel heard or understood, or at least not alone. Because you're not...you're always heard.

Because Sometimes You're Wrong, Even If You're Right

I like to think that, "Treat others as you want to be treated" is a fairly universal and well-respected concept. If you grew up in church, you would have heard it as, "Love your neighbor as yourself." Despite all of the terrible things bombarding the newsrooms on a daily basis, I still hold out hope for some of humanity to follow this code.  Some do. Others show that to know is not the same as to practice. Sometimes, we decide to pick and choose who deserves this honor from us.

A common example...

The social media account of a well-known Christian radio station was recently hacked with numerous political and inappropriate links. If you have ever listened to this station or followed their accounts, you would know pretty quickly that there's no way this junk would have truly been posted at their hand. Think of it this way...if your mother had a Facebook page and only posted about Jesus and grandkids but then suddenly shared The Thong Song music video (I know, I'm dating myself here), you'd likely assume that she was hacked.  You'd have the courtesy to say, "Hey Mom, you might want to reset your password because you've been compromised," or ask a question of the sort before making some type of grandios assumption.

However, that was not the case for many with this mishap. Followers immediately began to lash back at the station...vowing to boycott, pulling their donations, casting the all too familiar "holier than thou" card before really knowing the details. Those who knew it was fake called them, "Idiots," among other insults.

All from a group of Christians. 

We see it all the time in our world now. It quickly escalates from "I can help them to understand" to "I will force them to see my side" to "I'll have to berate them, for they are obviously too stupid/stubborn/ignorant/crazy/racist/misogynist/intolerant to conform to my line of thinking". All of which is apparently acceptable? Why? Because we're looking at a screen instead of someone's expression? Because we have the "right" to say whatever we want?

Our right to free speech should never dominate our responsibility to treat others as Christ would. 

We will never earn the right for cruelty. 

No level of righteousness permits belittlement.

It's not just in our social media interactions, either.

Sometimes we're so hellbent on being right or heard that we make every wrong choice to validate it. How about in our homes? With the people we love? Is our right to say as we choose- our "right to be right"- important enough to destroy relationships and minimize the people we promised to lift up?


This has been on my heart a lot lately. I'm no perfect person. Far, far, FAR from it. I can be stubborn and hardheaded, and God-by his grace- is working on me (Phillipians 1:6, look it up). But I'm learning much by having been on both sides of this coin. I know that if we are more determined to be right than to be loving, to have the upper hand than be fair, to make our point than to listen, there will be no "right". 

The communication self-destruct button.

I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with this kind of combat without total shutdown (call it self-preservation). Despite what our emotions dictate us towards, there's a way to say everything even when you have everything to say. That goes for both the giver and the receiver. As I navigate these muddy waters, I have found much that God has much to say about our heart in our interactions:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19‭-‬20

"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,  bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.  To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.  Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.  And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.  "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.
Luke 6:27‭-‬32

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13:4‭-‬6

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3‭-‬4

Surely oppression drives the wise into madness, and a bribe corrupts the heart. Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.
Ecclesiastes 7:7‭-‬9

Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.
Leviticus 19:18

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
1 Corinthians 13:1

And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.
 1 Thessalonians 5:14

 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:31‭-‬32

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3‭-‬4

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness... Galatians 5:22

His truths are endless on the matter. My words on this are fleeting, merely the flame of inspiration that will become the vague embers of something you once read. But the Word of God stands forever. It cuts through "joint and marrow, discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart" ( Hebrews 4:12), a refuge for those who need it (Psalm 18:30). If anything, may it be what echos in your mind the next time you need to speak. HIS words, not mine. 

Because It's Not Called, "Turkey Until Your Belt Comes Off" Day"

"Gratitide is the attitude that sets the altitude for living." -Pastor James MacDonald

Thanksgiving...

Not just "Turkey Until Your Belt Comes Off" Day

It's "Count Your Blessings" Day

"Put Down the Phone and Spend Time Together" Day

According to Merriam Webster it's:

• a public acknowledgment or celebration of divine goodness
• the act of giving thanks
• a prayer expressing gratitude

        

And to the Cambridge Dictionary:

• the act of saying or showing that you are grateful, especially to God

Just like Oxford:

• The expression of gratitude, especially to God

 By definition we give thanks to God, to one who is beyond ourselves and giver of all things.

What does God's word have to say? 

• Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. Colossians 4:2
• I wash my hands in innocence and go around your altar, O Lord , proclaiming thanksgiving aloud, and telling all your wondrous deeds.
  Psalms 26:6‭-‬7 
• But I am afflicted and in pain; let your salvation, O God, set me on high! I will praise the name of God with a song; I will magnify him with thanksgiving.Psalms 69:29‭-‬30
• Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.
  Ephesians 5:4 
• The Lord lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground. Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre!
  Psalms 147:6‭-‬7
• Oh come, let us sing to the Lord ; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation! Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods.
  Psalms 95:1‭-‬3
• But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the Lord !"
  Jonah 2:9
  (FYI-sacrifice is not just slaying your own ox and lighting it on fire. Think more practical)
• For everything created by God is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving...1 Timothy 4:4
• Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

     Philippians 4:5‭-‬7

The list goes on and on. 

No matter if you're in a season of praise or doubt,  plenty or sacrifice,  we are made to give thanks. For every joy and every sorrow means that you are blessed with breath. Gratitude is the ultimate holistic remedy to anxiety and heartache, and with it our minds and intentions are set right. It plants peace in our souls in a way that is beyond reason. Stirs up healing. Cultivates strength. 

This Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for the salvation and redemption of the living God.

For steadfast love and unfailing grace.

For my family and friends and endless supports.

For a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food on my children's plates.

For celebrating with my loved ones today instead of a hospital wing like I've done too many times before.

Despite all that's going on in my life right now, challenge and strife, I have thanks in my heart. Today, that's enough. 

Because Time Goes Too Fast (A tribute to my kiddos)

                

A moment turned to memory
a hideaway for you and me
where darkness can't come in to thieve
is where my heart holds you to keep.

For time slips in to bend and break,
the seconds fractured for the take
scattered in constant motion and haste
some too swift to seize or chase.

And despite my desperate, anxious grip
our time descends through fingertips
dissolving like embers, burning quick,
 flame to ash in mind-bending trick.

Though not all is lost within the torn
for in the chaos, a haven born
Where all my love for you, Adored
will keep you safe forevermore.

Because Moms Have Balls Too...(it's not what you think)

It's been a while.


Not for lack of want. More so, for lack of coherent thoughts with the capacity to be formed into sentences.

Also for lack of any sufficient amount of time to attempt said sentences (shocker). For instance, I think I've started this blog post about 15 times... just to get to this sentence.

I often wonder what's wrong with me when I can't seem to juggle life's obligations as well as the rest of responsible society. Everyone seems to have the perfect rhythm, a consistent and even flow of tasks interchanged through hands. Some even smile and wave at the same frickin time. Throw a baton in, why don't you? Meanwhile, there's me...the amateur entertainer who keeps dropping the ball in efforts to keep up, fumbling around like a bafoon. I'm like the drunk clown that you hope doesn't show up at the birthday party (minus the drunk part).


Is it too much distraction? Lack of sleep? Lack of means? 
Speaking as a mother that that works outside of the home, it's as if I have two very full-time jobs with minimal resources to be successful with them. It's two lives without doubling the # of hours in the day. How much can one woman do?

(fyi-all moms are working moms and I don't minimize that for a moment. I'm just speaking from my own position)

As moms, we're given many, many "balls" to juggle (ahh, there's that click bait explanation). I was thinking about this as I was waiting on hold with customer service at work, simultaneously calling my husband on my other phone with another school reminder and working on an email, all while secretly hoping a third arm would sprout from somewhere so I could sip my coffee. Because, you know, "mom multitasking" may allow your body to act in super-human ways...like carrying 50 bags of groceries with your toddler on your hip and still being able to unlock the front door. 

Maybe you're Mom of the Year and have no issue with this...the never-ending circus show. Or maybe you're like me, and have days when the balls seem to be thrown around haphazardly. Rhyme or reason have been kicked off the stage, along with the concept of clear thinking. I can appreciate the reality that parenthood is relentless refinement, and that progression in this area comes with time and experience. At the same time, my natural downfalls seem to smack the ball clear out of my hand even when I'm in the groove. ESPECIALLY  when I'm in the groove. It makes me want to throw my hands in the air and just chuck the metaphorical balls at the audience.

(...be ready to duck)

Does anyone else feel pushed to the very brink of their breaking point by society's chaotic demands? Does well-being have any place in the agenda? And where do we draw the line before we cross over into insanity? I know there are some answers to this, like declining the occasional invite, refraining from signing up for a million extra curriculars, or making yourself leave the office when it's after closing time. It's easy to write out an answer and say, "Problem solved. Just make time for yourself." Eh, false. Please tell me where I can pull this length of time out of thin air. It's not so simple with the myriad of tasks that cannot be delegated or neglected, especially when they needed completion yesterday. There's no way to avoid them, only to take them as they come and try not to panic.

So I guess I don't have the skill for my own perfect rhythm. It's making a choice, each day, to rest in the arms of a perfect Savior who promises to work it all out. One who honors humility, apologies, and authenticity when things don't go right.  One who helps picks up the balls up when the juggling fails and they fall into disarray.

He is my perfect rhythm.

Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Matthew 6:26‭-‬27‭, ‬33 
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?  But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 14:28‭-‬32
And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"  And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.

Matthew 17:20
...For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

Because Sometimes, Inspiration Comes from Unlikely Places

When I'm reading my bible, I have the expectation that my socks will be rocked. Since those expectations are usually exceeded, I trust that God's word will always be a source of encouragement or instruction, or both...whatever it is I need to hear.

I did not expect this, though, from a children's Netflix series.

On a rainy day, my son and I came across Trollhunters. 

Average kid, Jim, is looking for a sense of adventure when he is chosen by a magical amulet as the next Trollhunter. Protecting two worlds, he's your typical underdog hero in a good guy vs bad guy story. Complete with some pretty sweet gear and engaging fight scenes. 

An overall fun kids' story (and let's face it...not too bad for the adults either).

I didn't expect to get much more from it than some laughs and snuggle-time with my little guy. I was also working on a paper, of which I was feeling a bit out of my league. Then, out of nowhere, comes a line that spoke volumes to me...

"Destiny is a gift. Some go their entire lives, living existence as a quiet desperation. Never learning the truth that what feels as though a burden pushing down upon our shoulders, is actually, a sense of purpose that lifts us to greater heights. Never forget that fear is but the precursor to valor, that to strive and triumph in the face of fear, is what is means to be a hero. Don't think. Become."

Ok, granted I'm not out fighting crime or sacrificing my safety in the sense that the character is. But the fact of the matter is that God's plan for us is our destiny, and until we are ready to seek and explore it, we are left under the rule of the mundane. We ebb and flow through monotony as if it's all that is meant for us. We're left longing for more because we're not looking for satisfaction in the right place. We need to navigate to the road that was hand-paved for us. 

I need to.

Now don't get me wrong. My God and my family make my world go 'round. They are not mundane...not in the slightest. They are my course for life. But does God ever tug on your heart, letting you know to steer your steps slightly in the other direction? Because even though you're familiar with the route you're already on, perhaps He wants to lead you to a destination greater than anything you could imagine or are capable of on your own? Do you trust him with the risk?

So...as I'm working on homework, wondering to myself will this be worth it...am I doing the right thing...
I don't know if it will lead me to valor or hero status, but let's just say I'm not giving up anytime soon.

Because Life Isn't a Solo Sport

"It's what we do." 

Our church has coined this slogan concerning our attitude of love and service towards the world around us. 

After all, God's word spills over with instruction regarding our conduct with others.

Romans 12:14‭-‬18
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.


Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

The examples go on and on.

Selfless love? Forgiveness? Patience? Compassion? Humility?

It's what we do.

So, I suppose it should be no surprise that this was exactly what was shared from our Harvest family upon finding ourselves in a conundrum.

                            

As most of my life events, this intros with me screwing up...

It's 8:45 on a Wednesday evening, and we're leaving our midweek children's ministry program  (Awana). Even though serving is one of my favorite parts of the week, it had already been a long day and I still had quite an evening ahead of me.  As Jamie and I sleepily dragged ourselves to the car, I realized...

I lost my car key.

Now, I realize this may not sound terribly earth-shattering.  However, if you've seen our church, you'll know that tracking down a missing single key is the equivalent of finding a needle in a haystack. It didn't help that I discovered a convenient hole in my bag, nor that any spot I had traveled through would have also housed a myriad of children throughout the course of the evening. It certainly made me wish I had held onto one of those darn whistle key chains all these years.  😠😠😠

Trying to not let panic take set in, Jamie and I carefully searched every spot we could think of. This led us to cross paths with a group of ministry leaders who were just winding down from the night's activities.  They could tell we were in need of some assistance, though I was so embarrassed to have to confess my blunder.  I searched for a nearby hole to crawl into, but no such luck. It really stings when our shortcomings are put on display, particularly to an audience that I hold in such high esteem. 

But I wasn't met with judgment or scoffing, like how so many folks envision Christians to respond.  Despite their own busyness-or sleepiness- they dropped what they were doing and joined our hunt.  A dear friend, who was still there with her own children, had come back into the church and refused to leave until she knew we could get home.  Even the gentleman who jumped our car last year after Awana joined in (I think he's our church-designated hero).

We must have looked in every possible place 10 million times.  
Not one complaint was expressed or a gesture of aggravation shown.

By God's grace, the key was found. It must have fallen through the perfectly timed hole.

I thanked our search party and apologized for being an idiot.
Though I was still mortified, I was met only with grace...
"Don't worry about it...it's what we do."
-Sarah, leader of our children's ministry and one of the kindest people on the planet


It's interesting, though, how God uses our faults.  I get SO FRUSTRATED with myself for the million things I seem to screw up time and time over... things I forget or misplace or am late for...the chaotic mess of my functionality. But our God knows our need and answers abundantly.  Even me...little ol' ridiculous me.  He showed up with His community when my weakness was shown and provided strength in numbers.  It was an opportunity to remember that, though we always strive for a better version of ourselves, it's ok to lean into those around us.  We were made to do so...collectively morph our weaknesses into strengths, letting the love that's shared outweigh our deficiencies. 

May I remember this in the moments when I drive right into the self-reliance pothole and lose traction.  May I also remember the destination of us as a whole, and not solely on my own agenda. That I may not only lean in for help, but give it freely.  We're not meant to take the journey alone.

Romans 12:3-5
For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

1 Thessalonians 5:14
And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

 

Because A Lot of People Go to College for 7 Years

   How I think I sound when I say I'm in school

Last week was the big comeback.
My first time in years walking into a classroom involving my own education. 
Far past the expiration date of the typical college career, I was filled to the brim with excitement and apprehension. The butterflies sold tickets and ran a three-ring circus in my gut.  Each minute felt like a step closer to either an adventure of opportunity or a giant waste of resources. Potentially both.
Only time will tell with that, and what I make of it.

Luckily, the largest of my worries was eased upon arrival...
I wasn't late.

(Thank you, Jesus)

I was thankful to find the professor easy-going and understanding...something I won't take for granted but I'm sure I will be grateful for when the time comes.  Like moments when I realized that my class was two nights a week, not one, and that I didn't manage to attend until the second night of attendance.  Because how else could I approach something in true Jess fashion?

While the material was easy enough to comprehend, my already fatigued brain struggled to stay focused. Sentences crashed together into a sea of theory and vocab and Trump jokes.  I see this as a great challenge for growth in my distracted thinking.

Note to self: Inquire about a coffee pot at my desk. 

Source

By God's grace, I managed to make it back to the car at the end of the night in one piece.

I will say, though, that as I observed the other students, I couldn't help but feel a bit like this gal in comparison...

(No disrespect intended. This lady was phenomenal . Her name was Nola Ochs, and she was the oldest woman to graduate college.  What an inspiration in defying the odds and pursuing your dreams. 

 Read her story:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nola_Ochs )

 I know that might be a slight exaggeration, but I definitely tip the scale towards the older population of the group.  I had to remind myself to let it go.  In my heart of hearts, I know that the concept of the college experience has significantly morphed over time. Anyone can go back at any stage of life.  
Despite the "feeling old" commentary, I truly do believe that school is not only for those just starting out, but for a those looking for a fresh start.

That's what I'm hoping for.
Not only vocationally, but in my every-moment functionality.  
Out with the old and in with the new, as they say.

Luke 5:36-37
He also told them a parable: “No one tears a piece from a new garment and puts it on an old garment. If he does, he will tear the new, and the piece from the new will not match the old.  And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins and it will be spilled, and the skins will be destroyed.

No more trying to patch what has already been shredded.

New direction.
New focus.
New habits.
New strength.
New fight.
New victories.
.