Because Hope Can Be Scary, But it's Worth It

Attitude of Gratitude, Day 7 & 8

#7
I'm thankful for hope.

I didn't realize how much this was missing in my heart until God showed me the darkness of my doubt.

 I thought I had hope, and in some ways I did.

Hope in Christ's salvation over me, and the promise of home everlasting.

Hope for joy in the lives of those around me.

It turned out, though, that doubt and self-made conclusions began to replace the hope over my life's circumstances. 
Over the things that seemed insurmountable or downright impossible.
The pain and the frustrations and the fears.

They took the throne of certainty instead of the rightful King, the one of creation from beginning to end,
who knows what every moment of my life will hold.
I believed in God's authority and loving kindness, but still subconsciously denied its authenticity for myself.
Thankfully the Lord has been PATIENTLY working on my heart,

stretching and strengthening its capacity to hold hope again.
Reminding me that this comes from first trusting in God's will, through calm and storm, riding its waves with faith to wherever He leads. 
Which, by the way, can be scary as hell.
But so is a life without hope.
And when I seek God with my brokenness, he doesn't hide because he's too busy with bigger problems or doesn't feel like dealing with one more person's crap today.
He answers boldly, with beautiful grace, and that kind of love far beyond deserves my trust and my hope.

#8
I am thankful for coffee.
Silly, perhaps.
But today, as I'm feeling absolutely exhausted, I'm so grateful for beloved caffeinated friend. 
Thanks for getting me through the tough spots,
Cup o' Joe!

Because He Sees You and Will Give You Rest

Attitude of Gratitude, Day 6

I'm thankful for peace.

This weekend was filled with fun around every turn with my son.

We filled our moments with play and laughter and many, many hugs.

These experiences are so very precious to me.

Tonight, as we read Where the Sidewalk Ends, he drifted off to sleep nestled into my shoulder...

A quiet moment, snuggled with my love.

Peace.

Life is so fleeting. 

Our seconds fall through the hourglass before we can turn time on its edge to stop the clock.

It can make our journey feel frantic and broken, unable to control so many of the moving parts.

But in the chaos and pain come pieces of peace.

Sometimes, we plan our way there (i.e.- setting aside quiet time alone).

But peace is most beautifully displayed when it falls onto you unexpectedly. It's treasured time with loved ones, a gracious end to a challenging day, the miraculous quieting of an anxious spirit, or unexplainable strength through a season of deep trial.

It's God reaching into your existence to say,

" I see you, and I will give you rest."

Because Goodness is Found in All Kinds of Places

Attitude of Gratitude, Day 3 & 4 & 5

My apologies for the delay.I told you, I screw up a lot.

#3
I'm thankful for new beginnings. 
Sometimes, there are many. 
Daily decisions to do better than you did the day before. 
I'm thankful that, when we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
A fresh start.
We gain the opportunity to drop the baggage that weighs us down, leave the past where it belongs, and pursue hope for a future that's not defined by our failures.

#4
I'm thankful for moments of joy.
Particularly when they interject themselves into the dark seasons of our life. 
A rough day forgotten in laughter.
Pain healed by the company of a loved one.
Bitterness broken by the the remedy of forgiveness. 
In times when we feel shackled to difficulty and strife, there is freedom in joy.
But not only does joy help break up rhe dark, but can be produced because of it.
For our suffering grows a perseverance that cannot cultivate otherwise. 
In sorrow, we build ourselves to joy.

#5
I'm thankful for my family. 
Family life is beautiful.
And challenging.
And hilarious.
It swings from one end of the spectrum to the other with only a moment's notice, and we're just along for the ride. But this ride is exciting and full of anticipation, wonder intertwined with the comfort of their company.
Their well-being, love, partnership, support, victories, friendship, joy, even mere existence make my world go 'round. 
I am a better "me" because of them.

Because I Screw Up...A Lot (Day 2 of Thankfulness)

Attitude of Gratitude, Day 2

I am so very thankful for grace.

Both the abundant mercies of God and those gifted from others.

I fall short so often in so many, many ways. Follow-ups, emails, reminders, scheduling, coordinating... regardless of how much thought is given or how much effort is devoted, my shortcomings always seem to remain victorious. In my mess, I am constantly met where I'm at by the Lord in his beautiful faithfulness. Failure upon failure, He shows me up with layers of grace upon grace. With this, I'm deeply blessed by others who share in pouring patience over me time and time over. 

Forgiveness gifted.

Brokeness healed.

Lessons learned.

Because Gratitude Sets the Altitude for Living (Thankfulness Journal)

Our pastor, James MacDonald, has a knack for crafting these sayings that stick with you. They're bits of truth that shake up the soul (in the best way possible, of course). They answer questions that plague your psyche; break the strongholds that hide in your spirit. The saying shown above is one of my favorites. It's a beautiful reminder that a heart and mind steeped in thankfulness will elevate your life to new heights. That something as "simple" as gratitude has the power to lift us up out of even the darkest of places. Intentional, authentic gratefulness. It may not obliterate every speck of the difficulty in your life, but it will allow for a quenching joy over that life as a whole...hardships and all.

My current elevation must be fairly close to the ground, as I've allowed myself to be weighed down by complications instead of lifted in thanks. My thoughts and emotions are in need of a major upheaval; a pendulum swing towards a higher altitude from an improved attitude. Where the gratitude begins to quiet the chaos.  I've decided to embark on a journey of daily thankfulness through Easter.


Today, I'm thankful for God's healing and redeeming love. For the mind blowing fact that, while I was still a sinner, Christ took to the cross to bear my faults and pay my penalties. I am so humbled in reverence to his selfless sacrifice in death and his unequivocal victory in the resurrection. He took the darkness of my sin and paved me a way to the Father. By his wounds, on the day of my salvation and every day, I am healed. 

Romans 5:8
but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Isaiah 53:5
But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crust for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

Romans 8:37-39
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height or death, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Because Hope Always Matters (Grace Abounding's Birthday)

I heard this at a church service this Christmas. Yes, I know Christmas is over. But it really struck a cord, particularly with hitting the "Reset" button for a new year:

"It was as if an earthquake rent

The hearth-stones of a continent,

And made forlorn 

The households born

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

And in despair I bowed my head;

"There is no peace on earth," I said;

"For hate is strong,And mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The Wrong shall fail,

The Right prevail,

With peace on earth, good-will to men."

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

In the world around us, belief in "peace on earth and good-will to men" has begun to fracture by the havoc wreaked in our daily news and daily life. The weight of a world cultivated by pride, obsession, and hatred is too much to withstand. "Mocks the song", as the carol says. Fear and upset delude hope, love feels fictional, and dreams become just that. 

In my own little world, I spent the last 365 days falling down...hard.

This blogging endeavor is one year old today. Its goal was to track the goals (and craziness) of 2017. Blessing certainly came my way...Cubbies Director, college, wedding officiant, preschool beginnings, small group initiation, the growth of my beautiful children. In the same breath, it was an exceptionally challenging year. My own shortcomings, failures, and sin cycles devoured more time and energy than I care to admit. Additionally, specific outside circumstances continued to shatter, rebuild, and shatter again. An unruly repetition,grasping at a ghost resolve.  It was a year that, by the end, did not feel hopeful. It felt defeated...exhausted...broken. I had started 2017 determined to make life "better", but rather took routes that landed me right back to square one.

This week I've been reading the amazing and positive goals that many of you are charging after. Genuinely, I wish you the best. I, in turn, am tempted to go into hibernation. I mean, can 2018 REALLY be any better? Last year was supposed to be the "best year ever," as they say, and we can see how that went. Why should I let myself down again?

In efforts to be optimistic, can I somehow use my broken pieces of 2017 for something good in the year to come? 

1 Timothy 1:15-16

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life."

I was so encouraged stumbling onto this, a verse I posted on Facebook a little over a year ago (thanks, Facebook memories). It shouts the answer that I can, because God can. Not of my doing, but of Christ in me and through me. In my weariness I forget the beauty that He pulls from ashes, continuing to take my worst for His best. I'm enabled to comfort others with the same comfort He has given to me (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). And when I wonder if what I do will ever be enough to combat the world's darkness and my own, I'm reminded that goodness with Christ always matters. Hope always matters.

It's what transforms our hearts from "There is no peace on earth" to "God is not dead, nor doth He sleep". From greatest sinner to mercy sharer. Cultivating lifeless soil with seeds of fruitfulness.
(Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law)

So right now, I'm not thinking about "5 Goals to Make 2018 the Best Year Ever".
I'm not giving a lot of thought to lost pounds on a scale, books to be read, or a cleaned-out closet (although, none of those would be a bad idea).

For now, I'm just scooping up the pieces of my brokenness to present to the Ultimate Fixer-Upper, the Master Healer and Redeemer. I'm believing His promise that He is faithful and just to forgive those who are repentant (1 John 1:19), and trusting that my fractured remains are in the right hands.

This year, the goal isn't, "Year Me."
This year, it's, "Lord, Use Me."