Not for lack of want. More so, for lack of coherent thoughts with the capacity to be formed into sentences.
Also for lack of any sufficient amount of time to attempt said sentences (shocker). For instance, I think I've started this blog post about 15 times... just to get to this sentence.
I often wonder what's wrong with me when I can't seem to juggle life's obligations as well as the rest of responsible society. Everyone seems to have the perfect rhythm, a consistent and even flow of tasks interchanged through hands. Some even smile and wave at the same frickin time. Throw a baton in, why don't you? Meanwhile, there's me...the amateur entertainer who keeps dropping the ball in efforts to keep up, fumbling around like a bafoon. I'm like the drunk clown that you hope doesn't show up at the birthday party (minus the drunk part).
Is it too much distraction? Lack of sleep? Lack of means?
Speaking as a mother that that works outside of the home, it's as if I have two very full-time jobs with minimal resources to be successful with them. It's two lives without doubling the # of hours in the day. How much can one woman do?
(fyi-all moms are working moms and I don't minimize that for a moment. I'm just speaking from my own position)
As moms, we're given many, many "balls" to juggle (ahh, there's that click bait explanation). I was thinking about this as I was waiting on hold with customer service at work, simultaneously calling my husband on my other phone with another school reminder and working on an email, all while secretly hoping a third arm would sprout from somewhere so I could sip my coffee. Because, you know, "mom multitasking" may allow your body to act in super-human ways...like carrying 50 bags of groceries with your toddler on your hip and still being able to unlock the front door.
Maybe you're Mom of the Year and have no issue with this...the never-ending circus show. Or maybe you're like me, and have days when the balls seem to be thrown around haphazardly. Rhyme or reason have been kicked off the stage, along with the concept of clear thinking. I can appreciate the reality that parenthood is relentless refinement, and that progression in this area comes with time and experience. At the same time, my natural downfalls seem to smack the ball clear out of my hand even when I'm in the groove. ESPECIALLY when I'm in the groove. It makes me want to throw my hands in the air and just chuck the metaphorical balls at the audience.
(...be ready to duck)
Does anyone else feel pushed to the very brink of their breaking point by society's chaotic demands? Does well-being have any place in the agenda? And where do we draw the line before we cross over into insanity? I know there are some answers to this, like declining the occasional invite, refraining from signing up for a million extra curriculars, or making yourself leave the office when it's after closing time. It's easy to write out an answer and say, "Problem solved. Just make time for yourself." Eh, false. Please tell me where I can pull this length of time out of thin air. It's not so simple with the myriad of tasks that cannot be delegated or neglected, especially when they needed completion yesterday. There's no way to avoid them, only to take them as they come and try not to panic.
So I guess I don't have the skill for my own perfect rhythm. It's making a choice, each day, to rest in the arms of a perfect Savior who promises to work it all out. One who honors humility, apologies, and authenticity when things don't go right. One who helps picks up the balls up when the juggling fails and they fall into disarray.
He is my perfect rhythm.
Romans 8:26-28
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Matthew 6:26-27, 33
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Matthew 14:28-32
And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water." He said, "Come." So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.
Matthew 17:20
...For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."
